Friday, July 17, 2020

What Are Shame and Guilt How Are They Different

What Are Shame and Guilt How Are They Different BPD Living With BPD Print Dealing With Shame When You Have BPD Understanding shame can be important for your health By Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University. Learn about our editorial policy Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD Updated on October 14, 2019 Gawrav Sinha/E/Getty Images More in BPD Living With BPD Diagnosis Treatment Related Conditions Shame is a powerful emotion that can cause people to feel defective, unacceptable, even damaged beyond repair. How much do you know about shame? You may sometimes confuse shame with guilt, a related but different emotion. When you feel shame, youre feeling that your whole self is wrong.When you feel guilty, youre making a judgment that something youve done is wrong. When you feel guilty about the wrong thing you did, you can take steps to make up for it and put it behind you. But feeling convinced that you are the thing thats wrong offers no clear-cut way to come back to feeling more positive about yourself. Thats one difference between shame and guilt: the way theyre defined. But the effect of shame and the behaviors it can cause are far more important for you to know about. How Shame Happens From the day you were born you were learning to feel that you were okay or not okay, accepted or not accepted, in your world. Your self-esteem was shaped by your daily experiences of being praised or criticized, lovingly disciplined or punished, taken care of or neglected. People who grow up in abusive environments can easily get the message that they are undeserving, inadequate, and inferior. In other words, that they should feel ashamed. Over time, intense feelings of shame can take hold of a persons self-image and create low self-esteem. Feelings of shame often stem from what other people think. The person may become super-sensitive to what feels like criticism, even if it isnt, and may feel rejected by others. Inside, he feels painful self-contempt and worthlessness. Evidence is increasing that serious problems can occur when shame gets deeply woven into a persons self-image and sense of self-worth. The Effects of Shame, Especially on People With BPD Someone who feels deep-seated shame and low self-esteem may not realize that its the motivation for many destructive behaviors, which can include substance abuse, eating disorders, road rage, domestic violence, and many other personal and social crises. People who experience traumatic events are also likely to feel shame, particularly if they blame themselves for what happened. In people with borderline personality disorder (BPD), deep-seated shame may account, in part, for their higher rates of suicidal behavior and self-injury. Shame also affects men differently from women. Its said that men with shame-based low self-esteem tend to act out, through anger and violent behavior toward others, and women to act in by turning their feelings inward and hating themselves. What Else Should I Know? Researchers studying the role of biology in the development of shame-based low self-esteem are focusing some of their attention on serotonin, a neurotransmitter (chemical messenger) in the brain. They are exploring the possibility that low levels of serotonin may contribute to a persons inborn susceptibility to feeling ashamed.